why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
