If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize