In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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