My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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