Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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