good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My dad is sitting where you rode me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
