Will you blow on my dice?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
