you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize