I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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