do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
