I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
