I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
