I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
