Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
