You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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