I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
