it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
