We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
