You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
