Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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