In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She is in my trunk
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
