Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
