He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
