at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize