apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
