college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
