I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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