accomplished twins. life is a go
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
