I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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