I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
