I got chris browned last night
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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