I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
