FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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