she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
