Pants 0. Shit 1.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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