my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
