so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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