hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize