If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
