I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
