its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
