Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
