i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm really busy with my period
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