i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
