your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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