There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
