I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So squirting runs in the family.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
