How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
