Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
