I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
