i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
