Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
only you would photoshop your dick
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
