I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
