FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
