she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
