You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
