I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize