She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
