He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
