Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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