oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
