i permit you to call me
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
