Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
