They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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