her vagine was all disorganized.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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