i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
