Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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