We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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