I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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