Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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