So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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