new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
