At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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