Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize