she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
