I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
