i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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