you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
