I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
