Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
