I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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