That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
