you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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