and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
