I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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