Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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