OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
