Soap is not a condiment
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
