Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
