i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
