i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
