what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
