I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
