so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
