So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
