She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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