i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
