that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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