please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
