After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
