; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
