I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
