she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
