I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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