drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
